there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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