Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
