I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
