if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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