I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
