I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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