Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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