What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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