If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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