I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
