yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
