mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
