I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
