Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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