he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
