and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
