you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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