you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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