Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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