he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
