Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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