Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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