Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i permit you to call me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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