I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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