I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
