Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize