I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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