id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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