You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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