My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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