So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
