if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
