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Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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