the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito