I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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