Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
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Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together