Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
