??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You should frame my arrest warrant.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
