just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
