She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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