hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just high enough for therapy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
