worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
