My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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