Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
