I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
