guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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