imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
