hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up backwards on a recliner
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
