Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your dad touched me again.
i was born a porn star she said
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
