we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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