im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
