I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
