this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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