her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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