dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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