I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
