Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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