I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
