if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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