Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
