There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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