im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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