I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
