is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
