Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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