Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
