i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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