I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
