Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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