I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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