Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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