I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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