i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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